Monday, December 26, 2005

The grinch of Christmas present- Santa opens up to Geraldo

A very Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah to you all!

For the last 8 years I have spent Christmas eve and Christmas day dolled up as the man in red.....usually I appear at a local hotel lobby and restaurant or in some cases, at a shopping center. Heck, I have even made appearances at the boat races, which further confirms to all children who gamble that Santa is, indeed, everywhere.

Besides the rather unbelievable financial rewards of donning the red sweatsuit of happiness, I do enjoy seeing the little kids reaction and listening to them tell me what they hope for. I had a pack of them hugging me around the knees and seeing the joy on their faces was worth all the hassles that wearing the outfit entails.

For those of you who have never been a "professional" Santa, here are a few facts and reminders:

* The suit is thick and hot. Think sweat lodge and you are beginning to get the idea. If Santa is indoors in this suit, Santa is sweating and very uncomfortable.
* The beard and wig are made of polyester, which is like putting an itchy heating pad around your face and on your head- Santa is sweating and very uncomfortable.
* Smart Santas are wearing only shorts and T-shirts under the costume. If wearing more than that- Santa is sweating and very uncomfortable.
* Santa does not want to hold your screaming kid. If the kid screams, discerning parents with slightly higher than 2 digit IQ's will know that THIS IS A SIGN THAT THE KID DOES NOT WISH TO BE NEAR SANTA and then, you the parent, must hold said screaming spawn. Remember- Santa is sweating and very uncomfortable.
* Santas beard is attached to his face by elastic bands that criss cross his scalp. If you pull Santas beard, the top of Santas head is severed by said bands. Remember-Santa is sweating and very uncomfortable, already.
* Santa doesn't like to get patted down by adults (unless they are adult females and very cute) so please keep your hands off Santa- Santa is already in a bad mood because Santa is sweating and very uncomfortable.
* To the lovely children: when Santa gives you something from his big bag, don't tell him you don't want it. He is just doing his job and the presents are what the cheapskate promoters gave him to pass out. Take the present, and pretend to be happy. You are probably better off than 85% of all people on earth as it is.
* To the lovely parents who foster such attitudes in your children: Teach your children respect, compassion and generousity. Teach them it is better to give than to receive, that they should show gratitude to those around them and above them.
Teach them by example that sharing is the norm, not the exception. Take your children out and show them charities at work helping the homeless or shut in. Get them involved.
Show your kids that Christmas is about giving, and that giving feels better than getting.

And someday, when you parents are older, you'll be glad you did.


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